Sunday, 23 April 2017

The Orbit Times

Assholes Demand Equal Treatment

The NAAAP (National Association for the Advancement of Assholistic People) held a massive asshole rights march in New York City today. The protesters demanded an end to discrimination against assholes.

Quacks to Undergo Stricter Certification Process

New guidelines have been issued following a spate of scandals in which quacks across the country are alleged to have been practicing legitimate medicine.

Bush's Approval Ratings Drop Below Bird Flu's

"Basically, people think that Avian N1 is doing a much better job of being a virus than Bush is of being a president," explains one anonymous Washington insider.

God Declares Himself an Atheist

God reverses his stance on his own existence, throwing the world's religions into chaos.

Saudi Arabia to Institute Racial Profiling of Arabs

"After all, all of the 9/11 hijackers were Arabs," said a spokesman for the Saudi Interior Ministry.

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